Glitter, Ducks and Chairman Xavier
by Deesney
Summary: When Clary suggests that the boys go out for the evening together, Simon is soon stuck in an incredibly awkward situation after things get a little out of hand. Magnus is hyper, naked and covered in glitter, Alec also covered in glitter, and Jace is seeing things...'interesting' things.


**So, my first story on here :D I certainly hope my fellow TMI fans enjoy it.**

**I don't own The Mortal Instruments or any of the characters featured in this story.**

When Clary suggested the boys go on a night out together, it had seemed like a fantastic idea to begin with. With everything that had happened, they all deserved some fun. She hadn't exactly expected the group of them to turn up to Luke's house at 2am with Jace and Magnus wearing blankets, Simon looking murderous with a glittery Chairman Meow in his arms (Magnus and Alec looked equally glittery) and Jace looking as if he'd seen a ghost. After telling them where to stick it after they had asked to come in, Clary couldn't help but wonder what the heck they'd been doing, but also started to feel the slightest bit guilty. She hadn't known the situation, and had sent Simon away to deal with them all. _Oh well, he'll understand why I sent them off. It's fine. _She thought as she clambered back into bed.

All became clear the next morning when Simon explained, though Clary felt no positive gain from hearing the story, just a lot of guilt that she _had_ shut the door on him at 2am, and what she thought might be deep mental scarring.

-THE NIGHT BEFORE-

The boys all walked along the street, in a deep awkward silence. Simon could tell clearly from Jace's expression that he was miffed Clary had suggested their night out. "A night out 'with the lads' will be fun. It might teach you how to be around guys without having the undying need to outwit them, too." This, Simon remembered Clary saying clearly. He also remembered Jace's frown and reply. "It's not a 'need' to outwit them, Clary. That happens naturally. It's like they're asking me to do it." Clary had simply laughed, kissed him, a quick mocking kiss Simon knew Jace would hate, and then shut the door in both their faces. Magnus and Alec, who both looked as 'pleased' as Simon and Jace had been, were waiting outside the Institute for them.

And now the four of them were walking in silence clearly wanting to be elsewhere. Luckily for Magnus at least, he had Alec with him and was perfectly comfortable, so he broke the ice and suggested they go for a drink. No objections there with that suggestion. Simon couldn't actually drink himself, but the thought of it maybe loosening up the others was nothing he could argue with.

Soon, they were sitting in a bar around a booth; Magnus had offered to buy the first round. For a moment, Alec, Jace and Simon sat in silence, until Jace said, "I really hope Clary doesn't blame me if one of us ends up nearly getting arrested tonight."

Alec nodded in agreement, Simon stared at Jace expectantly, but before any explanation could be given, Magnus appeared again with three pints of something that look suspiciously different from normal alcohol.

An hour later and Simon suddenly understood Jace's comment. A bit too clearly. It had started out so well. All of them had loosened up from the drink and they had been chatting nicely. Until they had downed three of the suspicious looking pints each. Jace pointed a finger abruptly into Simon's face suddenly.

"You-" He said in a very slightly slurred voice. "You, do not smell like a normal vampire. You smell...like all clean and stuff. Why do you not smell like a butcher's shop?! You drink blood, right?"

Suddenly, Alec piped in. "Yeah! He looks like something from the butcher's shop too."

The three of them giggled like a bunch of school girls who had found out how to look in the boy's changing rooms. Simon knew from this point that he was screwed. Clary and Isabelle would kill him if he let Jace, Alec and Magnus out like this unattended. He was going to have to stay. So much for Jace's concern about getting arrested.

The night just escalated quickly after that.

Magnus announced that it was time to go shopping. Soon they were out on the streets of New York, and Simon wondered if maybe the ability to kill yourself with the Mark of Cain was a benefit. He'd turned around for what seemed like one second, and turned back to see Magnus sneaking out of a craft shop holding a lot of tubs of...something and a blanket.

He saw Simon's face and practically shouted, "SHHHHHHHH. DON'T TELL ANYONE."

Before Simon could do anything, there was a huge 'poof' and what looked like glitter exploded around Magnus and Alec. Magnus was then stood there, hands on hips, covered in glitter and completely stark-naked, blanket tied around his neck like a cape. Luckily Alec still had his clothes on.

"BEHOLD, I AM THE POWERFUL MAGNETO. AND THIS IS MYSTIQUE." He waved his hand to Alec, nearly hitting him in the face.

"That's funny. I look sexy in blue, don't I?" The two of them then burst into fits of giggles again. Simon gawped at them, not wanting to look at the naked warlock, or his snickering boyfriend who was usually so…calm?

"Oh-Oh geez, Magnus! Put some clothes on, this is a city, you'll get arrested!" Simon said.

"NO ONE CAN ARREST THE MIGHTY MAGNETO."

"_Magnus_-"

But before Simon could finish, he heard a shrill scream…or more a yelp and felt two very strong hands grip his arm.

Jace.

"Jace what the heck are-" He was interrupted again.

"DUCKS. EVERYWHERE. They're following me. EVERYWHERE!" He said as he grabbed and shook Simon's face.

"Ducks? Jace what are you talking about."

"DUCKS. DUCKS WITH CLARY'S HAIR."

"Oh for fuck's sake..."

"No. NO, SIMON. FOR DUCKS SAKE. DUCKS."

Simon was beginning to lose the will to live, which he guessed was slightly ironic considering his situation with the Mark.

Suddenly, he heard a giggle behind him. Magnus. _Oh, come on! I really don't deserve this. _Simon thought.

"Your turn to party too, duck boy!" he shouted, and ripped off Jace's clothes. Actually ripped them off. For an incredibly brief moment, Simon was impressed by his ability to do this, then shook himself into reality.

"Magnus _do not_ make undressing people a habit!"

"Well I certainly had no plans to undress you, Simian."

More giggles. Even from Jace, though it was more of a nervous laugh as he scanned the area for ducks, apparently.

Dismissing the fact Magnus had got his name wrong, Simon looked in despair at each of the three drunks. It was then that he noticed the cat.

"Alec.. Why are you holding a cat?"

"Magnus says he's Chairman Xavier."

"So now you're the X-Men. Brilliant."

Magnus grabbed Alec's hand raced off.

"Time to stop the bad guys!"

"Magnus! Magneto is the bad guy isn't he?" Alec said.

The two snickered again as they ran.

Simon stood silently for a few seconds, his mind blank. The seconds turned into a minute as he watched Alec and Magnus race off into the lights of the city. _I am so going to die for this. They'll find a way to get rid of the Mark and they will literally kill me. _ Simon tried to move his feet, but for some reason wasn't able to. It wasn't until he shook his mind back into this horrible reality that he realised Jace had his arms wrapped around his legs.

Simon sighed the biggest sigh he thought he could possibly ever achieve, then picked Jace's arms off his legs, one after the other. He started to regret any complaint he made about the sober Jace. With another sigh of exasperation, he grabbed Jace by the wrist and stormed off in the direction Alec and Magnus went, mumbling as he walked.

"Are we going to kill the ducks, Simon?." Jace said, sounding as meek as a guy like Jace could.

Simon almost shocked himself as something like a snarl came out of his clenched teeth. "I swear, Clary, if I come out of this mentally dead with shame, I will take your coffee then kill you."

**Thanks for reading, hopefully I will update with more stories soon!**


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